Text version
When you’re the one bringing up an issue in the relationship— and it could bewhether it’s money, it could be sex, it could bethe kids, whatever—, when you’re the one bringing it up, you’ve already thought it over, but the other person is gonna going to be taken a little off guard here, okay. They don’t know where you’re coming from, and so expect that the first response would to be a little defensive, like, what are you talking about, or I’m not doing so bad, or you too, you know, it’s not (inaudible) man. This is human. In fact, remind yourself that that’s probably how you respond when somebody brings up something important that takes you aback.
And so what I suggest is to practice how you’re gonna bring it up, s. So that you are able to calmly say calmlysay, say, I know I’ve been part of this problem, okay, or I haven’t been paying enough attention, or I’m not so great on this as well or, you know. In other words, do a little one rundown, saying of, say, you know -- you know, I feel like I need to learn a lot in this area, not I haven’t always been as constructive as I’d like with you. This helps disarm some of his defenses. EAnd then just expect that there’s gonna going to be a little turbulence. Expect , okay, that you’re not gonna going to get back something that comes out of the books like, well, dear, I hear you say that you would like us to rethink how we do our finances and consult to on our values, and I think that’s a great idea, okay.. I mean, you know, if you’re your spouse is like that with you, let me know and because I wanna want to interview them, okay, because they are a saint or something like that, or they are zoned out, I don’t know.
Expect that you’re gonna going to have to hold deal with the other person’s anxiety a little bit. S and stay calm and just kind of repeat your mantra that you want -- you’re inviting them into a conversation. And maybe the conversation will happens at a different time. That’s what you’re doing. You’re saying, would you join with me? Can we work on this? And then if they really are still kind of defensive, then say think about it, would you? Think about it, that’s it. We can talk later. Would you think about it? So, back up, don’t keep ram-roading ahead. Just because you planted the idea, invite them to think about it, and bring it up again.
