Think your shiny red lipstick and cutesy bedroom voice are your secret weapons to take him over the edge and keep him coming back for more? You may just want to think again. While each man’s turn-ons and turn-offs are unique, we’ve compiled a list of some of the most common complaints we hear from men with regard to what leaves them feeling as though they’ve just taken an icy cold shower…shrinkage and all.
Apparently weekly showers and brushing your teeth every second day just won’t cut it for the discerning men of the twenty-first century. Bad hygiene tops the list of sexual turn-offs with men complaining of bad breath, spiky stubble, and day-old cigarette smoke odor.
You don’t have to shave it all off or scrub your skin until it glistens (ouch!), but it is good practice to pay some attention to your hygiene and grooming habits once you’re in a long-term relationship. Think back to your early dates and the effort you put into feeling sexy and see if you can replicate a few of those rituals
Whether you’ve decided to remain friends or battle it out as archenemies, your new man likely has little interest in hearing about the ones from your past. You do not need to avoid the topic of your ex entirely, but focusing on him as a common topic of conversation can be a real mood-killer for both of you.
Dating expert and Ask-A-Man columnist, Gary Wilson, says that ex-talk inevitably hinders sexual attraction. “When it comes to her ex, we simply don’t care. We just don’t want to know,” Wilson explains. “As soon as she brings him up, we become competitive and we start to wonder how we measure up. It may not have worked out, but we still have some lingering questions in the backs of our heads.” The associated feelings of insecurity obviously don’t put anyone in the mood for hot sex. Just as your sex drive increases alongside your confidence level, so too does the male libido.
Fishing for compliments by complaining about your weight, skin, shape or size is a major turn-off. Asking for reassurance to support your self-image may help to foster a connection, but it is important to frame is as a gentle request as opposed to a complaint.
“On top of being unattractive, self-deprecation is boring and when a woman is boring, she becomes less sexually appealing,” says Wilson. You don’t have to feel on top of the world each and every day, but research continues to confirm that self-confidence is one of the most attractive traits in a lover.
This is a dual turn-off. Not only do men report shriveling up at the sound of ooey-gooey baby voices in the bedroom, but bringing up children and marriage too early in the courting period can similarly reduce the size and power of his…libido.
“Talking about your children is not sexy,” says Wilson. “I’m a father and motherhood is attractive in a beautiful way, but talking about babies or your kid’s piano lessons is not hot — especially early on in the courtship.”
Living Through Social Media
The ability to be present is not only key to healthy, happy relationships, but also to our sex and intimate lives. Technology now presents more distractions than ever before and daters are getting fed up with having to compete with the lure of our hand-held devices.
“If she tweets all through the meal, it’s as though her 200 followers are on the date with us,” says 34-year-old dater Jose. “It’s weird and it’s rude. If she’s that distracted at dinner, I can’t imagine what she’ll be like in bed.”
As a sexologist, I agree. As an avid social media user, I admit that I am guilty of sometimes splitting intimate meals between my husband and my Twitter and Instagram followers, but it has to stop. Not only is it rude, but it is a bad habit that can easily be carried over into the bedroom. In fact, studies have revealed that posting to social media during sex is becoming more common as the lines between reality and social media continue to blur.
Over and over again, arrogance is cited as a major turn-off for both men and women, so I asked men to describe what behaviours they consider arrogant:
“Expecting me to pay for everything.” Jose, 34.
“Being late over and over again.” Will, 42.
“Being nice to me and rude to the waiter.” Kenneth, 33.
“Talking about herself and her drama non-stop. I’m too old for this.” Christen, 40.
Wilson agrees: “Arrogance doesn’t turn any guy on. What men really appreciated is graciousness and engagement. I hear complaints about presumptuousness from men all the time. Women shouldn’t presume that we’re always going to pay. I’m comfortable and even eager to pay, but I’m uncomfortable with a woman who always expects me to pay. Once in a while, men like to be taken care of too.”