Spring has sprung and we’re feeling optimistic about this season’s dating shifts. Jess joined The Morning Show to talk about the latest trends and stories. Check out the video and summary notes below.
Q: Last year, we talked about the West Elm Caleb debacle and that story that broke thanks to TikTok has led to new approaches to dating including “Are we dating the same guy?” Facebook groups. Please explain.
West Elm Caleb was a guy who claimed to design furniture for West Elm. He was mass dating and telling the same lies & making the same false promises to multiple women before ghosting them.
One of the lessons from this story was that we can use social media to protect ourselves (which marginalized groups have been doing for ages). This led to the rise of “Are we dating the same guy” Facebook groups in which women share personal experiences with catfish dates, fake profiles and dates who say they’re exclusive or monogamous, but are really telling the same story on Monday to one person and on Tuesday to another.
Q: How are these groups safe and are they really just about revenge or control?
The groups all have screening processes, which add one layer of safety. And they’re not about causing harm; doxxing (providing personal info about bad or dishonest daters) isn’t allowed; you only use first names and share your experiences as opposed to criticisms or commentary.
Some people have found their friend’s husbands dating 3 different women and other share about dates that have gotten aggressive.
Q: So that’s the dark side, you say there is a flip-side — an app for shouting out good men to date?
Yes. Hulah is dating service that promises to let women recommend great men in their lives (brothers, friends, neighbours, coworkers) so that there is some pre-vetting. I’m excited to see what they have to offer.
Q: What other trends are we seeing?
We’re seeing big opening up among daters; according to data from Bumble, 38% of daters are open to dating beyond their usual physical type and 33% are open to dating someone outside of their city.
And dating app Badoo has coined the term Blue Sky Dating, which basically means going into dating with a sunny attitude, a positive approach and spring cleaning bad habits and hangups from the past; it’s a fresh start.
Q: If you want to start dating and you’re looking for the meet-cute this Spring, where should you start?
Make an announcement; tell your network you’re open to introductions just as you would if you were looking for a job or looking to hire.
Go someplace new and break routines — a new coffee shop or a solo getaway if you can swing it; I just had clients who met on vacation get engaged last month; another couple met on Reddit & another at church. You can make connections in unexpected places.
And go on tours of your local city; you don’t have to go to Rome to learn about art, history, architecture, food, culture, music and more — get started at home and see whom you meet.