A Sexologist’s Guide to The Art of Kissing
(excerpt from The New Sex Bible)
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TL;DR – The Art of Kissing
Kissing isn’t just foreplay—it’s intimate, erotic, and scientifically proven to boost relationship satisfaction. In this excerpt from The New Sex Bible, Dr. Jess explores why kissing matters and how to keep it hot.
Why kissing is powerful:
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Releases feel-good hormones that reduce stress and deepen connection
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Women may use kissing to assess intimacy; men may use it as a prelude to sex
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Long-term couples often neglect kissing, but more kissing = less fighting + lower stress + greater satisfaction (Floyd, 2009)
Techniques to elevate your kiss game:
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Soft-Lipped Kiss – perfect for easing into intimacy
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Lip Lining – trace their lips with your tongue for subtle seduction
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Sweet Spot – explore the inner lip frenulum for unexpected pleasure
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Basic Tongue Twirl & Top-Shelf Kiss – blend gentle suction with tongue play
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Facial Kiss – cradle their cheeks while locking lips for deeper sensuality
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Code Word Kiss – create spontaneous make-out cues in your everyday life
Enhance the mood with toys:
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We-Vibe Melt – pressure-wave clitoral stimulation for shared pleasure
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We-Vibe Touch X – palm-sized and perfect between bodies
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We-Vibe Chorus – syncs with sound and movement
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Want to explore more?
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Mindful Sex Course – slow down, savour, and connect deeply
Subscribe to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast and newsletter for tools, stories, and tips to make your next kiss unforgettable.
The Erotic Art of Kissing
Though kissing may be a deeply entrenched dating and mating ritual in our culture, many cultures have prospered without locking lips, which serves as a reminder that kissing is an erotic art (as opposed to a reproductive imperative).
Making out results in a flurry of feel-good hormones that promote relaxation and bonding. Yet the sexes view it differently. Men are more likely than women to seek and initiate deep-tongue kissing, and they tend to utilize it as a means to an end (sex), whereas many women report that they view kissing as a barometer with which to gauge their lover’s commitment and monitor their relationship status.
However you view it, smooching plays a prominent role in seduction, romantic attachment, and sexual arousal. Unfortunately in long-term relationships, we often stop kissing or push passionate kissing aside in favor of other forms of foreplay. And while there is no universal hierarchy of sex acts, research suggests that kissing is not only good for your health but also promotes happier relationships. In one study conducted by behavioral scientist Kerry Floyd, couples who were instructed to kiss more often reported fewer fights, greater relationship satisfaction, less stress, and lower cholesterol in comparison to couples who received no instruction with regard to kissing.
Despite the mounting evidence that getting to first base is good for you and your love life, keeping things fresh can be a challenge. Grab your partner and try the following suggestions and techniques designed to keep you happy, healthy, and very much in love for years to come.
Kissing Tips & Techniques for Connection and Arousal
The Soft-Lipped Kiss
Some people believe that the world is divided into two types of kissers: soft-lipped and firm-lipped. But the reality is that our sexual style varies according to our mood just as our appetite changes from day to day. If your lover seeks romance and often needs help relaxing to get in the mood, slide your lips gently against his with only featherlight contact. Take your time and gently pucker his lower lip between your lips, allowing your easy breathing to slow his breath rate and send his body into a state of deep relaxation.
Lip Lining
Give your honey a peek into your oral skills as you masterfully trace your tongue around the curves of her lips, paying extra attention to the thin skin in the corners where the upper and lower lips meet. If her lips remain closed, sensually slide your tongue from one side to the other just inside the crease.
Sweet Spot
You’re probably familiar with the frenulum of the penis, but this sensitive connective tissue also exists just inside the lips. Slide your tongue inside and twirl it purposefully around the shallow space between his upper lips and teeth before moving on to deep, French kissing.
Basic Tongue Twirl
As you press your lips together, tilt your head slightly to the side and suck gently as you twirl your tongue around hers.
Top-Shelf Kiss
Swipe your tongue along the roof of your lover’s mouth, a sensitive and oft-neglected area.
Code Word
Kiss your lover out in public at every stoplight, or come up with a code word (e.g., thank you or fun) and stop what you’re doing to French kiss whenever you hear this buzzword.
Facial
Hold one another by the cheeks as you kiss deeply and passionately. The face is the most sensual part of the body but receives little attention in the way of touch.
Images courtesy of The New Sex Bible.
Add Toys to Enhance the Mood
Looking to spice things up further? Warm your senses with a toy like the We-Vibe Melt, designed for partnered play with precision clitoral stimulation. Or if you’re kissing your way to mutual pleasure, try the We-Vibe Touch – a soft, palm-sized vibe that glides perfectly between bodies. For an adventure in synchronization, check out the We-Vibe Chorus, which responds to the sound of your voice and movement.
We-Vibe Melt
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Want More?
If kissing has you inspired to deepen your erotic connection, you might also enjoy reading about Emotional seduction and your Core Erotic Feeling (how you need to feel to get in the mood/enhance sex) or exploring 9 expert tips on how to give a mind-blowing blow job. And if you’re curious about more ways to engage intimately every day, our Mindful Sex Course offers tools to slow down and savour every sensation.
Mindful Sex Video Course
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• Expert-Led Lessons: Learn from Dr. Jess herself in this engaging, on-demand course.
• Practical Techniques: Discover easy-to-apply methods for more connection, pleasure, and intimacy.
• Accessible Anytime: Watch at your own pace and revisit anytime you need a refresh.
• Dr. Jess says: “This course is all about slowing down, tuning in, and bringing back the spark with mindfulness.”
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re exploring a new connection or reigniting a long-term flame, kissing deserves centre stage. It’s free. It’s intimate. It’s powerful. Want more pleasure? Subscribe to our newsletter and don’t forget to listen to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast for more sex and relationship tips you can use tonight.
