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TL;DR – Anal Sex Tips
Curious about anal sex? Whether you’re excited or anxious, this guide walks you through pleasure-focused, pressure-free tips to explore anal play safely, comfortably, and confidently.
Start with self-exploration:
- Use a pinky finger and lots of silicone lube (e.g., Astroglide X)
- Try beginner-friendly toys like the We-Vibe Ditto
Breathe & relax:
- Deep, rhythmic breathing helps relax both sphincter muscles
- Practice in the shower with touch and mindful breath
Lube is essential:
- The anus doesn’t self-lubricate—use lots and reapply as needed
- Silicone lubes are ideal for long-lasting glide, even in the shower
External play matters:
- Anal sex doesn’t have to involve penetration
- Enjoy gentle rubbing, licking, sucking, or massage around the pucker
Arousal first, penetration later:
- Don’t skip foreplay—anal exploration feels better when you’re already turned on
- Take it slow and wait until you feel relaxed and curious
Take control:
- If you’re the receptive partner, choose positions that let you control depth and speed
- Communication and trust are non-negotiable
Stimulate other pleasure zones:
- Rub your clit, stroke the G-spot, or involve another toy like the Womanizer Duo 2
- Doubling up = doubling pleasure
Gut check:
- A fibre-rich diet helps keep things smooth and comfortable
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Your Complete Guide to Anal Sex Tips
Anal sex is the new black! Perhaps that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but there is no denying that it is a hot topic for both men and women. Research indicates that anal sex is on the rise with up to 46 percent of women reporting that they’ve indulged in some sizzling back-door play. Whether you’re intrigued or hesitant, this comprehensive guide will walk you through how to comfortably and pleasurably explore anal sex.
Whether you’re feeling a bit hesitant or excited to dive right in, be sure to read through this list of tips in its entirety before experimenting with each strategy, as each one builds upon the former.
Get to know your bum
Your anus is a thing of wonder! Really!
With two sphincter muscles (ring-like structures), rich nerve endings and a highly responsive pucker (AKA bum hole), your butt is worth becoming acquainted with — especially if you’re going to let a partner in on the action.
Begin by gently exploring yourself during masturbation or showers, using plenty of silicone-based lube (like Astroglide X). Allow your muscles to gradually relax around your fingertip. Try sliding a lubed up pinky finger inside and allowing your sphincter muscles to contract and relax as you breathe deeply.
Do it yourself first
When it comes to sex, there is considerable value in trying new things on your own before introducing them to partnered play, as we often allow our body’s natural responses to flow more freely and experience less pressure in the absence of a lover.
If you want to experiment with anal play, try playing with your own body first before bringing your partner into the equation. Begin with external stimulation and use silicone lube to gradually practice insertion beginning with the tip of your pinky. You should be able to feel your muscles contract and relax as you become more comfortable with this region of your body.
Though not all anal play involves penetration, if you plan on inserting objects into your partner’s butt, it might be a good idea to try it on yourself first so you have a sense of how it feels. Try a beginner-friendly toy such as the We-Vibe Ditto if you’re feeling adventurous and comfortable.
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Practice breathing
Your breathing patterns are essential to enjoying anal sex and ensuring that it is pleasurable and entirely pain-free. Though you can easily control your outer sphincter muscle with your central nervous system (the same system that allows you to contract and the other muscles in your body at will), your breath can help you to relax your inner sphincter muscle which is controlled by the autonomic nervous system. Just as deep breathing and other relaxation techniques can help to slow your heart rate, so too can they help you to relax the inner sphincter ring to make anal play more enjoyable.
While in the shower, practice slow and rhythmic breathing while relaxing and contracting your sphincter muscles. When you’re ready, you can slide a lubed-up finger inside to experiment with the changes in muscle tension related to your breathing patterns.
Use lube!
Unlike other bodily orifices, the anus does not self-lubricate, so lube is essential to anal play. Some people prefer silicone-based lubes for anal play, as they last longer and don’t wash away in the shower. Check out Astroglide as they provide a variety of lube types according to various preferences.
Be open to orgasms
Anal sex should be pleasurable for both partners and though not all sexual pleasure leads to orgasm, you can climax during anal sex. The male prostate can be stimulated through the bum as can the female cul-de-sac (the sensitive area on the lower wall of the vagina).
Interestingly, research indicates that rates of orgasm for women are actually higher among those who report engaging in anal play as part of their sexual routine. Researchers connect these findings with the related report that engaging in a wide variety of activities during sex is positively correlated with orgasm.
Double the pleasure
There is nothing in the rulebook that says you can’t stimulate other hot spots during anal sex, so reach down with your hand and rub your clitoris, finger your G-Spot or play with whatever hot spot puts you over the edge.
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Start with external stimulation
Anal sex does not have to include penetration. In fact, most anal sex play involves a bit of finger play on the outside around the bum hole. Try drawing slow circles around the pucker with a lubed finger or gently pressing against it with the flat pad of your thumb.
A good exercise for newbies is to enjoy anal play (licking, sucking, massaging, kissing, etc.) with the promise of no penetration to build trust and become familiar with new sensations.
Proceed gradually
Many people encounter negative experiences with anal sex (and particularly penetration), as they move too quickly and attempt insertion before they’re relaxed and ready. Take time to deepen your breathing and begin with a very small object like your pinky finger before increasing the size gradually. Sex is not a race and incremental experimentation can lead to passionate connections, heightened intimacy, and mind-blowing orgasms.
Wait until you’re highly aroused
Surprise! A finger in the bum doesn’t qualify as passable foreplay for the vast majority of lovers. In fact, it is often a good idea to hold off on penetration until you’re highly excited, as arousal can help you to relax and have a palliative effect on your body. Begin with the sexual activities you normally enjoy before introducing something new.
Take control
If you’re an anal sex newbie who decides to have anal intercourse and you’re the receptive partner (AKA the one with an object up your butt), being in control is of paramount importance. Choose positions that allow you to control the depth of penetration and maintain constant communication with a trusted partner whose first concern is always your safety and comfort.
Eat lots of fibre!
Though your anus is not a storage compartment for feces, they do pass through there on the way to the porcelain pool, so your diet can impact your degree of comfort and pleasure during anal play. If you don’t have enough fiber in your diet and you have to push hard when going to the bathroom, irritation and muscle strain can occur and cause discomfort. Here’s to a healthy diet and a happy sex life!
Want to learn more?
- How to Prep for a Threesome – Explore communication strategies to comfortably introduce new fantasies.
- Anal Play: Positions, Prep & Pleasure – Dive deeper into positioning and preparation tips.
- Subscribe to our newsletter for monthly sex and relationship advice, product discounts and where (in the world) you can catch Dr. Jess.
