1. Let’s start small – reminiscing can be an easy way to help bring back those feelings you once felt.
Reminisce. Retell the story of how you met or chat about your first date — to one another, to your kids or to a friend. Talk about how you felt, what made you nervous, your first impressions and anything else that comes to mind. When you recall happy and exciting experiences, it can help to reinvigorate those feelings.
2. This seems like the opposite of what we’re trying to do Jess, but you say to ban sex for a week…
Ban sex for a week. It might seem counterintuitive, but you can have fun enticing and teasing one another in every way possible while you wait for the big day to arrive. Building anticipation is the key to pleasure. People often ask about scheduling sex and complain that it’s boring or dry, but if you can reframe scheduling to the process of building anticipation, it can be so much more exciting.
Read about the benefits of taking a sex break here.
3. Next up: Trying a partnered exercise can connect couples, like what?
Whether it’s partnered yoga, acroyoga or exercises and stretches that require you to climb on top or collaborate, the physical closeness can both ignite the spark and cement the bond.
4. After partnered exercises you say to up the playfulness in your life because playing outside of the bedroom can lead to playing inside the bedroom.
Play games. Playfulness is the precursor to all things pleasurable. And it’s pleasurable in and of itself. So make a point to play. You might pick a code word and every time you hear it, you sneak off to kiss or you might play games while you’re on your daily walk — maybe it’s hide and seek or eye spy or trivia or simply making up harmless back stories about people you pass on the street. The more you play outside the bedroom, the more you’re likely to play inside the bedroom.
5. Ok we’re getting to some spicier suggestions here – you’re suggesting we sneak around and up our tech game?
Sneak around. I’ve been hearing from parents who say their bedrooms are boring because the kids are always around, but there was a time when sneaking around was actually hot. As adults we treat it as a chore, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be hot. And now we have the tech to make it even more fun. Many adult toys are actually app enabled, which means your partner can be up in the bedroom or bathtub with one and you can control if from your phone if they give you permission.
6. Daydream about the future.
Research suggests that dopamine, a chemical associated with reward, pleasure and motivation, is released as soon as we begin to anticipate a reward – not just when we receive it. So let your partner into some of your daydreams — whether they’re about winning the lottery or taking a vacation once travel is an option again.
By offering your partner a glimpse into your most personal reveries – however luxuriant or impractical they may be – you will likely broaden their understanding of the way you think and the feelings you yearn to fulfill. Your daydreams may reveal a side of you they are yet to see and the novelty of the revelations can reignite passion and desire as they see you in a whole new light. This can improve daily interactions outside the bedroom and has the potential to lead to new conversations related to both personal and sexual fulfilment.
7. Finally – we’ve reached peak spice – it’s as easy as getting naked!
I know it’s not easy to find the space to get naked and most people will have to ease into it because we’ve been taught to feel so much shame around nudity. And although nudity is in no way inherently sexual, if you make it playful or flirtatious, it certainly can be. Read to one another naked, clean naked, play cards naked, do the crossword naked or eat in bed naked. Nudity is associated with a number of benefits including improved body image and greater openness. And while we’re at it, if you really want to make space for reigniting the spark, stop complaining about your body and see how that revolutionizes the way you feel about yourself.
Check out Getting Naked For Love here.